Oh the Irony

It is strange to be on the older side of the workforce. I like to think that I still have the drive and pizzazz I did twenty years ago. However, I seem to be much more aware of whether the effort I put in gets the return it deserves.

I Thought I Was Doing the Right Thing for Luann

When I was in my early 30s, I managed a team of employees, ages 25 to 55. I had a real fondness for one of the older team members. She was witty, funny, smart, and kind - very easy to be around and depend on.

During my tenure as her manager, I had some real concerns that "Luann" didn't seem like herself. She was forgetful and just seemed off. I was worried that something had happened to her, medically. I asked a friend of hers, who worked at the same company, if she thought Luann was doing okay. Then, rightfully so, she shared our conversation with Luann.

Initially, Luann worried that I was being age-discriminatory in my management. I was embarrassed when my boss shared her concerns with me. I meant no ill will. I was sincerely concerned about her as a person, not performing a management duty. I felt bad that Luann didn't know me well enough to see that it came from genuine care.

Twenty Years Later, I Became Luann

Fast forward 20+ years, and I am now working for someone younger than me, probably the same age I was when I managed Luann. (And honestly? She reminds me a lot of me at that age.)

On my new manager's first day, it was one of those days where I literally could not have told you my dad's middle name, completed a sentence, or remembered what I had for lunch. I was off, and I knew I was off. I was frustrated, thinking, this is not who I am. I am a smart, competent woman, and what was showing up was not a reflection of my capabilities or my knowledge.

That evening, our staff had a social. On my way there, I kept thinking about my first day with my new manager - how off I was, how I couldn't explain myself well, how discombobulated I'd been all day. I could have had a PhD in "you name it," and I still would have been struggling to string my thoughts together.

Then it hit me…I thought of Luann. And I had an aha moment: I AM LUANN! The same situation I navigated as a younger manager, only now I'm the one on the other side. I thought - oh, the irony.

There’s a Difference Between “Off” and Incapable

And here's what becoming Luann taught me: there's a difference between off and incapable. Between struggling to find words and losing your competence. Between having a rough day and being unqualified. What I didn't know then is that midlife is a new chapter, one that comes with an uncontrollable, very human side as we age.

The hardest part is that as midlife women, we don't always recognize it right away. Instead, we get frustrated and angry with ourselves. And the people around us may be wondering, what is wrong with her? I can answer that - it's freaking midlife.

So… What the Hell Is Happening to Us?

Midlife women are mocked for their hot flashes, mood swings, and absent-mindedness. I'd like to think our culture is more forgiving, as during pregnancy "pregnancy brain" is far more accepted than "menopause brain." And if we do acknowledge menopause openly, we risk layering it on top of the ageism that already exists. 

Hormones are powerful and completely natural. Menopause doesn't diminish who we are; it's simply a different chapter of life. When we replace generalizations with real information and open conversation, we can start treating menopause as the normal life stage it is, for employer and employee alike.

And Maybe One Day She’ll Be Peggy

I've since shared my Luann experience with my new manager. I'm not entirely sure she fully grasps the irony, but what I hope she knows is this: she has an employee who can acknowledge that shifts are happening and still show up, still deliver, and still do great work. And, in twenty years, she may have a moment when she thinks, OMG, I AM PEGGY!! The irony.