Ladies, Uncross Your Legs or A Midlife Woman's Permission Slip to Take Up Space

I have a screenshot on my desktop of Jane Seymour (see pic), later in midlife, in a bathing suit, standing cross-legged. When I saw it, my first thought was: this is completely ridiculous. Not because Jane is unattractive - she’s lovely. But because she's standing in one of the most unnatural stances possible.

And here's the thing: Jane is not alone. Look at images from any Hollywood award show, movie premiere, or red carpet event. There they are, women with their legs twisted and crossed. When did this become okay? Normal?

I can say with total confidence: if a man stood this way, we'd say, "WTF is he doing? He looks ridiculous!” But women? We don't even question it. We just do it, most of us, automatically - without thinking.

The Performance of Being Female

I've spent fifty-plus years heavily disliking my body. (I was taught never to use the word "hate," so let's go with "heavily dislike.") I grew up in a home where "trimness" was celebrated. Curves and boobs were not. And what I find ironic is that many "trim" women have just as many hangups about their bodies as I do. Actually, it’s rare to find a woman who accepts her body as it is.

I find I can easily point out a mom of daughters. Most times, they contort their bodies, just like their daughters do. I actually think adult women picked this up from their daughters/younger generations, who picked it up from Hollywood, influencers, etc. If “they” do it, then it must be the way. (Trust me, I get the focus on trying to look the best as possible in photos; however, we are not seeing men contort their bodies.)

Body image isn't a hot topic for me because it's trendy. It fuels my fury for all the time and energy I've wasted thinking about my body instead of living my life. I heavily dislike having my picture taken. I can look at any photo of myself from age 11 up and tell you exactly what I was thinking the moment it was shot. It doesn't matter if I'm in the best shape of my life or feeling my absolute worst, I do not like pictures of myself.

The Wedding Day I Tried to Avoid

My main dread when getting married was the picture taking. When my husband suggested we skip the professional photographer. "Why pay that expense? We can use pictures our guests take." I agreed, thinking I preferred natural, impromptu shots over planned, staged photos anyway. (Side note: I have little to no framable images from our wedding. My suggestion? If your partner makes this recommendation, it's not a good one.)

Here's the truth: when we made that decision, I felt relieved. Because one of my major stressors about the wedding day was having a photographer around. I was already anxious about my body, and the thought of someone capturing every moment? Freaked me out.

The Crossed-Leg Conspiracy

I can assure you, you will never see me standing with my legs crossed in a photo. One, because I don't know how long I could hold that pose. Two, because it would never cross my mind. Three, because my husband would look at me and say, "Why are you standing like that? It's weird.”

So why is it when we see women, famous or not, standing with their legs crossed, we assume it's normal? Because we're constantly judging women. Hair, body size, body shape, outfit, makeup, pose. We're evaluating whether she "looks good" in the photo. And women know it. So we contort ourselves, literally, to meet some invisible standard of photogenic femininity that doesn't even make physical sense.

Yes, men get judged on appearance too. But it's a fraction of what women face. Men just... stand there. Like normal humans occupying space.

Just Be

I've seen beautiful pictures of women on their wedding day who look completely at ease, like they don't have a care in the world about what someone might think of how they look. I truly hope this happens more often than not. And perhaps there are many brides feeling the same way I did, but faked it really well.

As someone who doesn't feel that ease, I'm writing this as much to myself as to you: Just be. Be who you are. Stop performing and for God’s sake, stop contorting.

Uncross Your Damn Legs

Stand however your body naturally stands. Take up space like you have every right to be there. Because you do. Your worthiness doesn't depend on the angle of your ankle or whether your thighs look slimmer. You are female, curves or no curves. Just be.

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