Joked About It. Then It Got Real

I’ve always been a big believer in not worrying about something until you actually have something to worry about. It serves me well, most of the time.

During my time at the American Cancer Society, I was a passionate advocate for HPV vaccination for kids, and that hasn’t changed. The Society launched a national HPV awareness campaign focusing on kids ages nine to fourteen. (Yes, there were counter-agendas claiming the vaccine promoted sex. In reality, it’s strictly cancer prevention. Most humans are going to have sex, and at those younger ages, the vaccination is most impactful for long-term protection, i.e., adulthood.

So fast forward to now. Ladies, if you haven’t had a Pap smear in the last year, get your “be-hinds” to the doctor. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had kids or not, or if you're sexually active or not; Pap smears are an essential screening test for HPV. (And fellas, you’re not off the hook either.)

My Story

A few years back, I went in for my annual checkup. My results came back abnormal; I was HPV positive. My healthcare provider recommended I go to gynecology at the Mayo Clinic for further evaluation. Was I worried? No - what did I have to worry about?

I had a colposcopy (not to be confused with colonoscopy, and BTW: if they don’t offer you lidocaine for that procedure, ask for it. There is absolutely no reason to go through that pain and discomfort without it.)

Result: surprise, precancerous tissue that needed to be removed surgically. I thought - okay, I’ve got this - outpatient procedure and a few days of discomfort - no biggie. I was (and still am) genuinely grateful that the research existed to catch it before it became full-blown cancer. That’s donor dollars in action. 

At my six-month check-up, my provider said, “I want you to have an anoscopy, just to make sure nothing abnormal is going on.” My response? Let’s do it. Let’s get on top of this. I was cleared from that test, and then, two years later, I wasn’t.

Which brings me to a couple of days ago. I had another anoscopy with a wonderful healthcare provider who does everything she can to keep you comfortable and at ease. When she was doing the screening, I could see what was happening on the monitor, and it was obvious there was tissue marked for biopsy. I said to her, “That doesn’t look good” (like I have any medical training), and she said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Even with the numbing, it wasn’t comfortable. And the pain afterward? I consider myself a tough cookie, but yesterday the pain in my nether region was intense. Fortunately, it’s getting better, though I’m not quite back to my old self yet.

The Joke That Became a Little Too Real

I used to tease my husband by saying, "I may have ass cancer," whenever he was giving me a hard time about something. He would shudder at the thought and not find it funny. Well, now the joke's on me. (BTW, Marcia Cross, Bree from Desperate Housewives, has been very vocal about her anal cancer diagnosis, which is awesome, as it is not an easy subject to talk about.)

This last round of testing and biopsies really did freak me out. I dug into research on HPV and learned that the strain I have is the most carcinogenic of the HPV variants. That took me off guard (same situation when I had thyroid cancer; I had one of the rarer variants of a typical ‘friendly’ cancer). I thought, if I have ass cancer, I am going to be so pissed. I’m a big supporter and advocate of the HPV vaccination; I think I earned a free pass for the work I do around prevention and screening (wink). Trust me, if the prevention shots were available growing up, I would have had them. They didn’t become available until the 2000’s.

What I Want You to Know About HPV

HPV has nothing to do with sexual promiscuity. It’s a virus, surprisingly common, that spreads primarily through sexual contact, via a loving long-term relationship or a one-night stand. It’s part of our humanness. And here’s the genuinely good news…

We now have a vaccine that can prevent six different cancers caused by HPV. Men can use condoms to reduce the risk of transmitting the virus. And women can have annual Pap smears to detect whether the virus is active in their bodies. Three concrete, accessible tools for cancer screening - please use them.

If my mom were still alive, she would be horrified that I’m talking about “this area” of the body in public. But if sharing my story motivates one person to schedule an appointment, or one parent to get their child vaccinated, that’s a win.

The Update (And Exhale)

I dodged another bullet. My results came back clear, and I won't need to be checked again for another six months. I'll be honest, I was really scared of this go-around. It was a great relief to know there were no new developments.

I used to say all the time when I was at the American Cancer Society: the earlier you catch cancer, the better your outcome. Screenings exist for a reason. They save lives, including mine.

So please, make those appointments. Stay on top of your health. And if you have kids, talk to their doctor about the HPV vaccine. It's not about sex. It's about giving them a fighting chance against six preventable cancers so they don't have to go through the every-six-months rigamarole in the nether regions as an adult. (BTW - don’t be surprised if your doc is passive about the HPV vaccination. The Society is still working on the awareness and education for the virus. Many docs are not informed when advising patients/parents on the benefits of the shot.)

Here's the thing, you have to pay attention to your body. I now have a suspicious spot on my face, so guess what? I'm getting it checked out. (Those years of skipping sunscreen are going to haunt me, I just know it!) Ignoring symptoms doesn't make them disappear; more than likely, it’s making it worse.

We've got this. Now go call your doctor. And moms, please, please, please get your kids vaccinated. I know you don’t want your daughters to go through what I have. And remember, this isn’t a rare virus; it’s estimated that 80%+ of adults have HPV at some point in their lives.

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