Midlife is No Joke: Let's Talk About What's Really Happening

I've been paying extra attention to the conversations I'm having with midlife women. It's interesting to observe the subtle-and not so subtle-shifts in our lives as we age. Most of us are navigating this chapter without a map or conversation about what is really happening. Sure, the peri, meno and post-pauses are getting more attention, however, there’s a lot of talking at us when we really need to connect with each other. That’s why I am building PocketPeg, a community where we can talk about that reality of what is really happening at midlife. 

When I launched SheTaxi fifteen years ago (a wellbeing platform and community for women focusing on their inner selves), it was all about forward motion - developing yourself, becoming more. Acceptance was part of that work. But now? Acceptance means something different. It's wrapped up in grief, sadness, and this strange disbelief that I'm actually at this stage of my life.

Oh Yeah, I Drive Over 55mph

The first subtle shift that comes to mind is that I used to be a standard 10-12% over the speed limit driver. Now, I treasure my 68 mph and the extra mileage I gain by moving a little slower on the road.

If the speed limit is 70, I'll pump it up to 74-75mph, hang in the right lane or middle lanes, and let the speedsters pass me by. (And then think to myself about how dangerously they are driving and wondering, what’s the rush?) My days of “pedal to the metal” and “I’m in a hurry” are over. In fact, when I am running late, I tell myself, “it is what it is, I messed up by not leaving earlier, so deal with it”.

The Body

The reality that I maybe have 30 years of life left on this planet. That's sobering and humbling. The reality that my body is not getting better with age. In fact, it's a direct reflection of the dwindling decline that begins at this stage of life.

The reality that all those times I opted not to put on SPF are going to have consequences. The reality that all of the mistreatment I've done to my body and brain will show its ugly head more and more each year. The reality that I now select shoes on comfort over fashion.

Don't Forget The Face and Neck (This is "Very" Important...not!)

The reality that the cosmetic industry says that I need to change my makeup to adapt to the wrinkles, dullness, and lack of elasticity happening at my age. The reality that the loose skin on my neck isn't going to have a collagen reboot, no matter how much weight I lose.

To change it, I need to do it artificially (i.e., facelift) and invest big bucks. The reality I now need to style my hair in a certain way and definitely keep the gray away. The reality that it is more accepted for a man to show his age than a woman.

The Workplace/ Career

The reality that I am one of the older people in my workplace. The reality that my tech skills are not as savvy as my younger counterparts. I didn’t have formal tech training; we just had to start using it and figure it out as we went.

The reality that it is less likely that I will advance in my career, even though my skills and experience are an asset for employers. The reality that I will not have a significant change in income at this point in my career. Let the younger ones “climb the ladder” - I’m tired of climbing. The reality that I am okay with that. The reality that the sweatshirt I am wearing is older than my boss.

The Invisible Shift

If you haven't gotten the gist by now - here’s the deal - midlife is weird, uncharted territory. And I didn't even touch on the hormones (any of the “pauses” - peri/meno/post). We have a lot to discuss around that…like body weight, where the weight goes, lack of energy, sleep disruption, brain fog, decreased libido, and the hair (thinning or showing up in places we don’t want it.

The reality that many of us no longer have living parents, or only have one living parent. The reality that more of my school classmates will die each year. The reality that I'm going to know more women going through breast cancer than I did ten years ago. The reality that when I forget a word or name and say to my husband “you know, whatcha-ma-jiggy”, he actually knows what I am talking about. 

 The reality that I can get a discount at certain places due to my age, or that I could live in a senior-housing community (this is terrifying, sad, and unbelievable. How did I get here? Where did the time go?). The reality that as I age and being female, I feel more and more invisible and less valued in this culture.

The reality, as a woman who never had children, that I may be alone later in life. The reality that I'm still dealing with emotional baggage from early in life and am pissed that I am still dealing with it at my age! The reality that now I start sentences by saying “I remember when…”, then get mad that I sound like that stereotypical “older person”. The reality is that this list can keep going and going. (I didn’t even touch on empty nesting, this is real and serious stuff for my midlife sisters.)
 

It's More Than Hormones

I am pleased there is more information coming out on “the pauses”. There’s a lot coming at us, and at the same time, I think it is super important that we have connection and community with each other.

There are distinct differences and changes that happen during our midlife years. I would love to say that they are all positive, however, as we know, they’re not. It’s a balance of embracing the “I don’t give a shit what you think of me” to “did you just say I have arthritis in my foot? At my age?”

Midlife is no joke. It’s rough, frustrating, scary, discouraging, and freeing - all at the same time. It’s more than the “pauses”. It’s everyday life, it’s major chapters in our lives (closing and opening), and it’s learning how to navigate this stage of life. I don't have all the answers, but I know that PocketPeg will provide community, connection, and support to navigate this life chapter, together. And a side note, Peg Paul wrote this blog, not AI - call me old-fashioned (smile).