I am a faithful personal development supporter and along the way, have observed and learned a few things. I’m going to share with you the good, the bad and the ugly - with more emphasis on the bad and ugly.  

Yes, I Heard You; You Ate Dogfood
A while back I had a membership with an online life coach. Motivational guy, big following, compelling backstory and at one point in his life, he was so broke he ate dog food. He brought this up - a lot.

I listened to his daily podcast and along the way started to notice something. The message was always the same. Do better. Be better. You are not doing enough. You’re not good enough. Each day was the repackaged message of you are not quite there yet, but keep listening and maybe you will be.

One morning, I was out on a walk listening to his ‘daily motivation’ and it hit me, I thought, dude, enough! And then I thought something else - this guy has a hell of a business model. If he keeps telling you you’re one of the ‘not enoughs’ - disciplined, focused, motivated, performing, you will be a forever customer. Can you imagine if our culture preached you are already good enough, versus what you ‘should’ be? I always joke that If I woke up tomorrow and thought, hey, I’m actually rocking this thing called life, I would single-handedly shut down the whole self-help industry. (Wink!)

That morning walking on the trail, I decided, I don’t want to hear this messaging anymore. I want to focus on self-acceptance. And some days I am better at it than others. I’ve made progress, reducing self-criticism, however, I’m a continued work in progress. I am now much more attentive to when someone (coach, guru, trainer, etc.) is helping me grow versus someone who is keeping me just insecure enough to keep buying.

Master My Mind Group
I’ve been in good and not-so-good mastermind groups and the difference is significant.

One time, I was paying a hefty monthly fee to be part of a virtual group. I was not getting much value out of the investment and told the coach I was exiting. He asked why and I shared that I was not getting the value for the price. To his credit, he listened, lowered the price (by 35%), and took the feedback seriously. That impressed me.

 But what kept coming up for me were the mechanics of the group. It was so routine and templated. It could have been any mastermind group, anywhere, for anyone. Plug and play. There was nothing in it that felt like it was actually built for the people in the room. And that’s the thing, when community is just a format, you feel it. It doesn’t stick. It doesn’t go anywhere real.

I’m reminded of a time when I did a free call with a coach to ‘discover’ whatever it was that I was seeking (she was going to help me find it). Her questions were scripted and it felt like she wasn’t fully present on the call. It was like she was just going through the motions, having done this 1000 times before, hoping to snag another client. Her lack of authenticity surprised me and really turned me off. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may have been having an off day.

Journaling - It’s a Love Hate Relationship
Ah, the written word. I will tell you journaling is beneficial and fully believe it. I have seen what it does for people; the clarity, the release, the way it slows your brain down long enough to actually hear yourself think. It’s a great way to go introspective. However, getting me to actually sit down and do it is like pulling teeth. I’d rather wash the car or vacuum than spend twenty minutes journaling. 

Last year, I bought an online course that focuses on 365 days of journaling with prompts. Hmm, no surprise, I think I made it to day four and haven’t been back to it. Why in the world did I think that was something I would actually incorporate and on a daily basis? Who knows? I must have been hopeful the day I bought it. (I do own the course for my lifetime, so there’s still a chance to turn this journaling thing around.)

I remember when I started practicing daily gratitudes and would write down ten things I was thankful for. It was painful, but I did it. It was/is a wonderful element of self-care. Now I take it gratitudes a step further - calling it ‘Tuding - and write what I am thankful for with the why. The why is important as it further emphasizes the gratitude and digs a little deeper in reflection.

Here’s my official position: journal if you can. It’s good self-care and personal growth. And, if you don’t, you are not failing, you are a person that it doesn’t resonate with and that’s okay.

What About the Why?
Speaking of why - what’s your why? Have you found your why? Are you living your why? Many people believe that your work ‘should’ be your why.

Here’s the deal, most people are not able to do work directly related to their why. You need income, livable income. You need to support yourself and probably other people too. And if you are one of those rare people who makes a livable income doing your why - hats off to you. I am fortunate, between my income and my husband’s, we live a comfortable life and I do work that fills my 'why' cup. If I was on my own, it probably wouldn’t be as ‘comfortable’. 

You can find ways to live your why outside of your job and outside of your various roles (mother, daughter, caregiver, etc).  There are a lot of people running around thinking that if you’re not getting paid to live your purpose, you are somehow doing life wrong. And that is simply not true. You can work, even like the work you do, pays the bills and live your why in other places. That’s actually a pretty solid life.

The Perfect Morning Routine
(That I Absolutely Do Every Day)
Wake up early. Journal. Read something to learn and then something to inspire. Exercise. Eat a nutritious breakfast. Set my intentions and go conquer the day. I do that every single day. (Ah gotcha, you already know I don’t like to journal),

Honestly? Since COVID, I have been a routine mess. I was literally talking to my therapist about it this week. For five years I have been trying to get a consistent morning rhythm. FIVE YEARS! Me, the woman who promotes wellbeing, self-care, and connection through community cannot get her mornings together. I have let my nights determine what my morning will look like. If I’m awake in the night, then I tend to push my alarm to sleep as late as I can. When I know and the sleep doc told me this - get up at the same time every damn day. I’ve tried Mel Robbin’s five second rule and am still not getting up.

Ironically, here’s something funny. Since I’m doing such a good job with the morning routine (wink) just yesterday I was looking up group fitness schedules around town. I romantically envisioned myself showing up to the 6:15am class (rising at 5:30am) - three days a week. Yep, you heard right. Maybe I can do it (I bet if I know my why, it’ll happen). But based on the evidence - it’s a long shot. Writing this a day later, the 6:15am does not have as much appeal as it did 24 hours ago.

The pressure to have the perfect morning routine is real and for a lot of us it creates more shame than it does habits. So let’s just acknowledge that and move on. Let’s face it, when you have kids, animals, or whatever your situation is, your schedule tends to revolve around them and/or whatever life sends your way. Some days, just getting up and out the door is a win.

What Actually Works (At Least for Me)
Here’s what I’ve landed on after a lot of trial and error the past 30 years. Simple self-care acts, done with some regularity, build and make an impact over time. Not dramatic Instagram-worthy impact. Small, real, repeatable things that sustain and improve your overall well-being.

The less I think of it as ‘’should,  the whole performing-wellness thing, the better I actually do. If I just let it be a thing I do because it feels good - the likelier it will stick.

The Bottom Line
You do not need a guru who reminds you daily that you’re not enough. You do not need to monetize your purpose to validate it. You do not need a perfect morning, or a morning routine at all, to be a person who is doing okay. However, having a supportive birdie in your ear is not a bad thing. There are a lot of great gurus, coaches, podcasts, etc. that can support you, being you. And if you desire to grow or develop, that’s okay too. Fundamentally, we need to shift our thinking towards the direction of acceptance and away from the ‘not enough’ rut.

I believe you need a little, daily self-care and a community of people around who keep it real. That’s what PocketPeg is built on. Community for midlife women who have figured out a lot  and don’t want to do it alone. And the daily life tools that are available are used at your whim. You can use all, some or none and that’s a-okay. I care about YOU feeling good about YOU and being surrounded by good peeps who already know you’re enough.

Take good care of YOU!